Who Am I?

The meeting with my superior was quick and painless.  She graciously allowed me to have a say in the direction of my position and we came up with an option that all of us are satisfied with.  The new work duties won't officially begin until January 03, 2012, but a huge amount of relief has washed over me.  I do my best to be flexible and yet in the end I can't change who I am.  The person I am loves having a plan.

I can't change who I am.... That is certainly something I have fought all my life to the point of complete destruction.  I've always wanted to be the person who others wanted to be around.  In my mind, that meant being outgoing, spontaneous, carefree, and sometimes a little loud and rowdy.  I'm none of these things.  Yet I fought so completely against my own nature in order to be this, in the end I was someone no one knew.  I'm not sure when it happened, but somewhere between my self doubt and the confidence inducing elixir produced by Budweiser,  my true self became entangled in thorns that no one could touch.

I'm quiet. I prefer to watch and calculate my thoughts before speaking. I worry about what others think, but do my best to not let it consume me. All of my insecurities are physical and I struggle with it daily. I would rather not say anything than speak something untrue. I can be judgemental which I don't like about myself. I can't stand being late or waiting for others who are late. I truly believe that my dog is cuter than any other canine.  I like having nice things, but don't expect them. I fear that in the end, everyone will leave me.   

I accept all of my imperfections because without them, I wouldn't be me.