I received an email from a friend this morning and I'm slightly torn about it. Although we are in contact through email, I've had to keep a solid boundary with him which excludes personal contact. I think he has a good heart, but he can't or won't conquer his addiction. He's been in and out of jail and rehab for the last 6-7yrs and yet I think he feels that he knows best. Everytime he gets out of one of these places, he doesn't change his environment which ultimately leads him back into his drug of choice. As an alcoholic myself, I understand the complete consumption of addiction and the need to slip away from your reality. As a recovering alcoholic, I understand the unbalanced tightrope that can be walked between the two worlds.
I just passed my 18mo sobriety date and I am honestly and completely grateful for my second chance. Since my stay in rehab, I've often thought about becoming an addiction counselor or something in that field to help others the way I was helped. I wouldn't even know where to begin or if I would be any good though. I can't express how badly I want to give other addicts, my fellow rehabers, what I have now. It breaks my heart to watch people go back out. Out of all the people I got to know personally and all the people I saw briefly during my stay in treatment, only 5 (including me) have made it to a year and 1 has passed away.
Life isn't perfect. Abstaining from something that mentally brought me such comfort and companionship and ultimately destruction, didn't make all my problems go away. In fact, every issue that drove me to drink is still there, but I meet them in battle head on. My friend asked me to take him to a meeting this Sunday. I don't want him to think that I've changed my mind about hanging out with him, but I can't deny someone asking for help. That may sound incredibly insensitive to not want to hang out with someone who's having problems, after all, being around someone sober could really help him. Every addict must make a pivotal choice when looking at the road to recovery....Am I willing to lose the most important thing to me in order to be sober? For me, that was friendships. I had to go through incredible loneliness as the result of protecting my sobriety. I walked away from people that I truly believed at the time were my friends. I didn't know what a true friend was until I shed everything to my core and still had two people standing by me.
I personally haven't been to a meeting in a long time, but I will take him and hope he finds something there. It is such an accepting community and no matter how many times you make your mistakes, you will always be welcomed back.
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